The Bag Lady

That’s right, one of the top cards is number 4 in my collection. “Bag Lady” maybe a rubbish, unoriginal, over used name, but this bag lady has been lumping her sports holdall around the streets of Penzance for as long as I can remember. Not only that, but she has also be cultivating that massive loaf of dread lock hair (better pics to follow) for the last twenty years too. I was gifted this photo opportunity last Friday, I also had the chance to get a pic of her note book but bottled it. I’d like to think that she is writing a diary of the normal people of Penzance and perhaps the hair is an elaborate disguise for her camera?

Brian

This is Brian, a nice guy from Hayle, very chatty, enjoys pottery and walking about the place. Not a lot is known about Brian, but I understand he has money and plenty of it. Welcome Brian, card number 3 (but not a very good one) in Top Tramps. “Please be nice to Brian” Charlotte Barden.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

Presenting Barden boy number 4

All you cats out there better watch out – and I’m not talking my jazz buddies. I’m talking about those cats that insist on crapping on my front lawn. This is Sir Digby Chicken Caesar and he will pop a cap in your feline ass if you come anywhere near Barden Manor.


THE LOCKER

The closing of the bosuns has re-ignited local interest in my soap opera idea ‘The Locker’. Based on some true events and some very over the top fictitious nonsense, The Locker was going to be an over the top Eldorado style soap opera with babes, guns, fast cars, sex, drugs, dance and best of all Norman Walker aka Nigel Waller. Ive put a link below to the script to wet all you Channel 4 scouts appetites, Dragons – Im looking for £100’000 for a 20% share of my product.

For the full script so far CLICK HERE

TDG 501

Another brand new section on the blog – ive been meaning to note down every single crap, really crap, really really really crap and occasionally ok car Ive owned. This blog seems like the perfect place to store all this valuable information and cement it in cyber concrete for everyone to view for years to come. So please kick back and admire the wonder that is...

TDG 501, my first car – a green Morris 1000 4 door. 1957, no synchromesh in 1st gear, previously owned by Dad and Kate. This car could be unlocked with a plectrum and started without keys.

Mobile B.s



The boys at hayle under fourteens gig club. It rained, we played with star wars figures and wore the straw hat.

Top Tramps

I think maybe "Red Hat Man" could also be known as "Red Shirt Man". What dya think? Cracking picture btw, very funny!

Red Hat Man AKA Mr Simons

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce to you one of Penzance's finest tramps....drum roll please for "Red Hat Man"



Roy Castle Was Right

Ive spent the last week trying to learn the web programming language of CSS or cascading style sheets, most sites these day are made using them, so I guessed I should make the effort. After spending hour upon hour, running step by step through never ending tutorials to build the worlds worst looking website...I thought I had it. So, with a whole Friday night ahead of me I sat down and started to construct a new t2design website using my newly mastered skill. Like a Jedi in the clone wars I went to work ruthlessly attacking my design......I couldn't even work out how to make a simple button???? What was going on? Anyway I stuck at it, and sure enough with the theme from Record Breakers ringing in my ears I managed to put together a rather lovely looking page. Its only the start, but as that complete twat of a deputy head from humphry davy school ‘Mr Pender’ famously said “Great Oaks grow from small Acorns”

so people of the world.....and I know you’re reading – come marvel at the wonder ive created. Check it out at www.t2design.net/site – a work in progress......dedication is what you need.

Rock Bottom



Ive decided to start a top tramps section, its quite tricky getting pictures of these highly unpredictable beings so please forgive me for the picture quality. That said, i cant believe i managed to get 'rock bottom' in the top of this snap shot! Therefore from this day forth, i declare that the above tramp shall be known as just that. Mr Rock Bottom.

Im also proud to announce this as my first post sent direct from my mobile. Brilliant!

R.I.P Bosuns Locker Night Club Penzance

That’s that then...the Bosuns Locker has closed. Saturday night saw local celeb Nigel Waller open the doors to one of the worlds stickiest, dirtiest, smelliest and hottest venues for the last time. I’ve had the pleasure to see the club scrape its way through various guises, from chart teen disco, through indie band hangout, through ‘Zetan Spore’ twisted hardcore mess, to funky breaks and beats for a more mature audience. One thing that has remained constant of course is the host, Nigel made the Bosuns and will always be the Bosuns, he is genuinely worried that he will now become lonely, old and forgotten but I’m sure he has made more friends over the past decade and a half then anybody else here hanging off the end of England.

Laura and I had a bloody great time on Saturday, it was where we met and got together so it seemed appropriate to recreate some of the events of that amazing evening 6 years ago..(almost to the day) The order of the night was wine drinking, some dancing, some piss taking, some more wine drinking, some chatting, some dancing again, some falling off of the bar, some pole dancing, some more piss taking and some snogging.

Sunday was spent lying on the sofas watching Lewis Hamilton win his first F1 race...fantastic and then a whole load of Star Wars action...more of this to come soon.


Thank-you again Nigel for all the amazing times. Club 2k this weekend then?

ABORT ABORT ABORT

Date: Fri 8th June
Time: 13 Hundred Hours
Mission: Clear picture of “The Brow Baker”
Location: Penzance
Mission Status: Failure

My mission today of getting a full clear picture of ‘Brow Baker’ was thrown into utter chaos when my decoy (Scott Thompson) stepped from his previously arrange pasty ordering position directly into the aim of my camera. The Result is clear... I had two attempted shots at the target, neither of which, and I think you will agree... were successful.

Van de Graaff

I think I’ve been suffering from writers block the last few nights, I’m not sure if its a lack of things to write about or an abundance of things going through my head and not having the time to get any on here. Where is this going, well one place....and that’s to the valleys of Gwel Lewern, the strange modern, very trimmed estate I live in and to my great unique friend Richie Bashford. Richie take heed and read this, take it in and consider your wardrobe this summer.


Fire officials evacuated a building in southern Australia after a man triggered a massive shock of static electricity that caused burn marks in the carpet, a media report said Friday.

Fire officials in southern Victoria state said the man, Frank Clewer, had built up at least 30,000 volts of static electricity in his jacket simply by walking around the western city of Warrnambool, according to a report by the Australian Broadcasting Corp.

He received his first shock when he walked into a local business Thursday afternoon. "It sounded almost like a firecracker or something like that," Clewer told the ABC. "Within say around five minutes the carpet started to erupt."

Burns about 0.79 inches in diameter were left on the carpet where he had been standing, the report said. ABC did not mention if Clewer was injured.

The Country Fire Authority evacuated the building, fearing the incident might trigger electrical problems in the building, but let Clewer go, the report said.

But when he got in his car, Clewer's problems continued.

"I actually scorched a piece of plastic I had on the floor of the car," he said. Fire officials took Clewer's jacket and said it continued to give off voltage, the report said.

Calls to the Country Fire Authority rang unanswered Friday evening.

Fire official Henry Barton stated that Clewer's clothing gave off some 40,000 volts, "which," said Barton, "is one step shy of spontaneous combustion, where his clothes would have ignited."

Firefighters also apparently took possession of Clewer's jacket and put it in a closet, where it continued to give off a strong electrical current.

Solo House Action

I'm ecstatic to say that Laura, Brody and Austen return from their holiday tomorrow. I cant remember so much solo house action for years and I think this video sums up my absolute desperation for entertainment. For all you Ford fans, I can confirm that it is the bottom hose from an early silver top mondeo.

Mr Jeff Grosso & Mr Nuno Bettencourt

Tonight has turned into an audio and visual feast of retro skate browsing and solid Nuno Bettencourt live performances!! Check out this guy - http://mysite.wanadoo-members.co.uk/deckcollection2/graveyard.htm

I think you will agree a truly amazing collection of decks, I think I pretty much owned the same collection of boards in my skating days..except I also had the pleasure of owner the most knackerd Phscho Stick in the universe – not the time or place to go into details but if you ever bump into Billy Mates and mention it, I guarantee a smile on his face!!

As far as Nuno is concerned, the most underrated guitarist in the world? Maybe. The most underrated musician in the world? Definitely. Schizophonic and Population-1 being his finest hours Id say

A few pledges:
Where better than here to place some personal pledges – Readers please help me maintain them.
• More Guitar – Ive already instigated this by asking for my amp back....Rohan...
• Dam Busters and Match Of The Day themes must be learnt on the piano for Euro 2008
• Find a puppy
• Stop eating takeaways and washing them down with beer
• Walk the puppy

Who ate all the pies?

Thursday – Pizza Patio 8/10
Friday Lunch – McDonalds 7/10
Friday – Chinese 7.5/10
Saturday – Curry Leaf 8/10
Sunday – Rammies Kebab 8.5/10

Pretty good going so far, more updates tomorrow.

Its been a funny old day

England put on a mighty performance against Brazil last night, well done Scott on predicting the sports headlines “Good to be Beck” & “Beck in business” I’m gutted no-one picked up on “Shorey Beck for Good” a double player celebration whammy. We had the first ever mobile Mr B’s setup today, all went well despite the early start. This evening was the last ever night of the Bosuns Locker Night Club, it was always going to be a big night, but nothing prepared me for the amount of people trying to get in – it truly was like old times, ive not seen a que like that since Dj AJ’s Chart nights. Quote of the evening from the legendary Nigel Waller “Maybe we should do this every week”, “It was all one big joke, see you next week”.

Thank-you and Good-night Bosuns. R.I.P